I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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