Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
