community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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