Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
