i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
