i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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