420 ftw
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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