Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
