Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
