i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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