I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
