Me too!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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