I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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