I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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