We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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