i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize