He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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