I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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