last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
