You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Boobs speak an international language.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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