is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
