How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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