i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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