if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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