So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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