After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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