Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
