New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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