I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
