I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
