I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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