I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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