Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
