I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
