mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
