I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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