dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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