You smell like a Billy Joel song
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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