Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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