Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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