I smell stomach acid.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
