also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
