I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
