i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she looked like the before picture.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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