Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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