You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
