just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that's an acceptable place to lick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
