so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
