We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
