i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
