her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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