Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize