i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
