Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
