my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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