I puked a lego.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
