oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
