As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
