i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
