i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
