Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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