shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
