He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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