I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
